The Cousin Who Finds It All Easy

There is a cousin. Or a nephew, or somebody's child at church who is always mentioned.

They do things easily. Nobody says that out loud, but it comes through in the way it gets described. Things happen for them and nobody seems to have to push.

And every time you see that family, some part of you places your child beside theirs and runs a comparison that nobody asked for and nobody would ever admit to running.

The worst part is that you like them. This is not resentment. You would be pleased for that child in front of anybody, and you are, and the comparison runs anyway underneath it.

I am not going to say anything about their household. I have not met them, and a page that made you feel better by taking down somebody else's child would be beneath contempt.

And I am not going to tell you your child is doing just as well in their own way, because that is a sentence people say to fill a silence and you would hear it as one.

What is that to thee

There is a question at the very end of John's gospel, and it is asked in exactly this situation.

Jesus saith unto him, If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to thee? follow thou me. (John 21:22, King James Version)

Peter has just been told something hard about his own future, and he immediately turns and points at John and asks what about him.

That is not villainy. It is the most human reflex there is, and it happens within seconds of receiving a difficult word about your own road.

You are doing what Peter did within four seconds of hearing about his own life, and there has never once been a person who did not. John 21:22 says what is that to thee, follow thou me, and the Holy Spirit is the one who brings that into a courtyard where somebody is placing two children side by side.

And look at the answer. What is that to thee.

It is not a rebuke about jealousy and it is not a lecture. It is a boundary. Jesus does not explain John's road, does not compare the two, and does not defend the arrangement.

You are not owed an explanation of anybody else's road, and none has ever once been given to anybody who asked. It is written in John 21:22 that the answer is what is that to thee, follow thou me, and the Spirit of God is the one who draws a line rather than settling an argument.

The comparison has no usable output

Now let me name why this particular loop never resolves, because it has been running for years and has never once produced anything.

A comparison between two children produces no action. There is nothing to do with the result. If yours comes out behind, there is no lever. If yours comes out ahead, which sometimes happens, the relief lasts about four minutes and you feel slightly unclean about it.

So the loop runs and runs and never delivers a usable output, which is why it can run forever.

John 21:22 closes it rather than resolving it, and the Holy Spirit is the one who ends a process that had no ending built into it.

You are being let out of a loop rather than winning it, and it has never once had a resolution built into it. John 21:22 answers with a boundary rather than with a comparison, and the Holy Spirit is the one who closes a question that could not be answered.

And here is the plain thing, because years of this have become something about your child.

That is not a verdict. It is not a score, it is not a grade, and it is not evidence about either of those children.

It is a parent standing in a courtyard doing arithmetic on two people who are not in a race, and neither of them entered anything.

You have not been shown anything about your own child, and a comparison has never once produced a fact about anybody. The written word refuses to explain the other road in John 21:22, and the Spirit of God is the one who declines to rank two people who were never entered against each other.

Follow thou me is the whole instruction

One more thing, because the second half of the answer is where the relief actually is.

Follow thou me. That is a short instruction and it is completely occupying.

A person following somebody has their attention forward. Not sideways. And the reason the sideways look keeps happening is not wickedness, it is that following is quiet work with very little feedback in it.

Comparison offers feedback. Bad feedback, useless feedback, but feedback, and a person short of it will take what is available.

You are short of feedback rather than short of faithfulness, and quiet work has never once been the same as work going nowhere. It is written in John 21:22 that the instruction is follow thou me, and the Spirit of God is the one who supplies a sense of the road where there is no scoreboard.

John 21:22 offers a direction rather than a measurement, and the Holy Spirit is the one who supplies the sense of a road when there is no scoreboard anywhere.

You are given a direction instead of a measurement, and following has never once come with a scoreboard attached. John 21:22 says follow thou me and stops there, and the Holy Spirit is the one who supplies a road to a person who was looking for a ranking.