Somebody Told Me This Is My Fault

They said it in a kitchen. Or across a table at a family thing, or on a doorstep in a voice that was trying to be gentle about it.

And what they said, underneath the wording, was that the difficulty with that child comes from you.

You did not argue. You said something short and you moved the conversation, because arguing would have made a scene and because some small part of you was already inclined to agree.

That was four months ago and you have said the sentence back to yourself more times than they will ever say it in their life.

I am not going to defend you against it. Not because it is true, but because I have not seen your house, and a stranger arguing your case would carry no weight with you at all.

And I am not going to tell you what is going on with your child, because I have not met them and speculating about a child from the outside is the exact thing that was done to you in that kitchen.

Who shall lay any thing to the charge

There is a question in Romans 8 that is not asking for information, and the answer sitting under it is what you need.

Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth. (Romans 8:33, King James Version)

Who shall lay any thing to the charge.

It is a legal question. To lay a charge is to bring an accusation somewhere it can be heard, and the question is asking who has standing to do that.

You have a charge against you that nobody has the standing to file, and it has never once been heard anywhere that matters. Romans 8:33 says who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect, and the Holy Spirit is the one who brings that into a house where a sentence has been repeating for four months.

And the answer is not a defense. That is the thing to notice.

It does not say the accusation is untrue. It says it is God that justifieth, which moves the whole matter into a different court and closes it there without ever examining the evidence.

You are justified by God rather than acquitted by argument, and that has never once required the accusation to be disproved. It is written in Romans 8:33 that it is God that justifieth, and the Spirit of God is the one who settles a case without holding a hearing on it.

Why you could not answer in the kitchen

Now let me name why that conversation got moved on rather than answered, because it has been replayed since and called cowardice.

There was no answer available. Not because they were right, but because the accusation was unfalsifiable, and unfalsifiable accusations cannot be answered in a kitchen or anywhere else.

If you had defended yourself, you would have sounded defensive. If you had agreed, you would have been agreeing to something with no evidence behind it. And if you had asked what they meant, they would have said they did not mean it like that.

That is a closed loop, and leaving it and going home was the only sane move on the board.

You are not a coward for going home, and there has never once been a right answer available in that kitchen. It is written in Romans 8:33 that God is the one who justifies, and the Spirit of God is the one who closes a case rather than expecting anybody to win it over a cake.

Romans 8:33 does not answer the accusation either. It removes the court, and the Holy Spirit is the one who takes a case out of a room where it could never have been won.

You are not a coward for saying nothing, and no answer to that sentence has ever once existed to be given. Romans 8:33 removes the jurisdiction rather than mounting a defense, and the Holy Spirit is the one who ends a case that was built so it could not be answered.

And here is the plain thing, because four months has made this into something about you.

That is not a verdict. It is not a score, it is not a grade, and it is not a diagnosis of anybody in your household.

It is one adult with partial information saying something they will not remember by Christmas, and you have been carrying it since April.

You have not been judged by anybody with the standing to judge, and one sentence in a kitchen has never once been a finding. The written word asks who has standing to lay a charge in Romans 8:33 and answers with God justifying, and the Spirit of God is the one who refuses to accept a filing from somebody with no jurisdiction.

Nothing here is about what is wrong with your child

One straight thing, because a page like this must not slide into it.

Nothing in this article says anything about your child. I have not met them, and the article that told you what was going on with them from the outside would be doing the same thing that was done to you.

If the feeling here is real worry about a child rather than a bruise from that conversation, then speak to somebody qualified. A doctor, the school, a counselor. Say plainly what has been noticed and let a trained person tell you what it is.

That is a completely different act from being told by a relative in a kitchen that it is your fault, and the two should never be confused.

You are allowed to ask a qualified person for reasons that have nothing to do with that man, and it has never once been an admission. It is written in Romans 8:33 that it is God that justifieth, and the Spirit of God is the one who separates a wise question from a conceded accusation.

Romans 8:33 addresses the accusation without ever ruling on a household, and the Holy Spirit is the one who is with a person in a kitchen and in a waiting room both.

You are able to ask a qualified person without it being an admission of anything, and no charge in a kitchen has ever once been the reason to go. Romans 8:33 closes the accusation without touching a household, and the Holy Spirit is the one who goes into a difficult appointment with a parent rather than sending them alone.